Being The Silent One

Do you know how mentally disturbed you'd be by not speaking up? It swells up.

The past month I've been learning to restrain, resisting and practice my speech properly to avoid from saying something that I will eventually regret saying it in the first place. I'm learning to be more calm and submissive when I have to, depending on the situation. However, not able to speak up and seeing how one-sided one story is it's crushing.

When you thought, trying to be a bigger person by not saying anything by dumping it all into a deep end, ended up just for it to be even more suffocating and excruciating. Because you're taking the hit, at the same time having your own feelings thrown away. Physically it feels that you're not more than just an old rag-doll.

Honestly speaking, when I said I held back what I want to say is when, truthfully, it left me more on being completely speechless.

I have so many thoughts running through my mind left unspoken. But I just withdrew from it, completely.

I can easily switch the mood from 100 to 0 very quickly. Once I'm done, I wipe my hands clean and moved on.