Overload

Living is not hard. But to live with your thoughts is a living hell.

I’m for one, an over-thinker of the most ridiculous of things. I am curious about human emotions but not that I don’t have one of my own. I’m more about being curious than to feel anything at all to be honest and emotions comes after a while.

The world itself is not complex, but humans are. We can never unravel one’s true colours. You can say what you want people to hear. You’d think you do know, but who really knows. Nobody.

Anyway, when I said my mind is like an open book, truly I am. I am either all out or not at all and there is no in between.

My mind can be very easily distracted by voids; emptiness. It can happen just like that with no warning. My mind just went blank for a couple of minutes before refocusing on what I do. I find it hard to focus on reading, but I love books and I love reading. I will reread to understand it word by word.

My transition from one topic to the other is a bit odd, it'll be unrelatable from the first half of the story.

It just abruptly changes and what I can't comprehend is that I am both unawarely aware of it. That's why I feel it's hard to explain it in words or deal with confrontations because, confrontations involve speaking and speaking involves the tone of your voice and it changes when you're emotional. I'd get frustrated trying to explain not because of the other person but I'm more frustrated with myself for not being able to pull out an easier way to explain it in a sentence. That's why I found a way by blogging, because here I am on my own, more collected and probably able to jot down what I'm actually trying to say.

I have the urge to get myself checked up clinically whether or not I am suffering from ADHD or mild Autism. And this has been on my list years back before these became some sort of trend on social media. My mood is so exhausting that sometimes I wanted to just sleep for as long as I can to shut down for a bit. I could feel deeply that my soul is tired but my body just acts accordingly, my mind just weigh me down.